In All Seriousness, Inc.

**SUE BERTHOLD**
the short one


On personal hygiene: why do people travel with their own soap? What's wrong with the soap that's already there? Are they afraid it's not clean? It's soap, it cleans things, why wouldn't it clean itself? What would you use to clean soap? Soap soap? Then what would you use to clean that?

VITAL STATISTICS

HAIRLOTS
EYESGREEN
HEIGHT4'11"
WEIGHT4'11"
AGE17
EDUCATIONPLAYED FOOTBALL AT NOTRE DAME
TURN-ONS CO-ED SHOWERS, PORNO, BILL DE LOZIER
TURN-OFFSCO-LD SHOWERS


On being the opening act for Ellen DeGeneres in 1992: "We were going to do a few pieces in the first act, then the was some kind of award given away, and then Ellen was going to come out. Of course, back then nobody freaked-out when you said Ellen was going to come out...
  • Greatest Accomplishment---Getting paid to make farting noises ("Golly Principal B----, I guess you can make a living doing that!")
  • Greatest Fear---Jim Gandolfo with mayonnaise
  • Greatest Talent---pornographic song parodies
  • Greatest Weakness---Bill De Lozier
  • Greatest Thrill---performing live
  • Greatest Moment in the History of Modern Automobile Design---the AMC Pacer
Song Parodies We (Almost) Never Perform Song Parodies We Actually Do**
"Come on baby, Light my Farts (try to set my nuts on --FIRE!)" "Giant Thighs"("Lying Eyes")
"When We're Sixty-nine" (once the fun's starting, don't you go farting...) "Mydol" ("My Girl")
"The Eye-socket Song" (everyone was in on this one; I can't elaborate any more) "Oooh--her Titties were A-pokin' Right Through" ("Do-wah Ditty")
"My Boyfriend's Black" (you know what they say...) "Mammaries"(well, I was there when it was written, and may have contributed some unusual synonyms...)
"I Will Swallow Him" (I love him, I love him, I love him, and when he comes....) "You're so Lame"("You're so Vain" -a real man-haters song, complete with cucumber)
**All material is copywritten by IAS Inc., 1987-95. Any unauthorized use will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the Law.


"After one of our "adult-themed" show, some young enlightened wymen were talking with Jane and I about female humor. We do agree that women and men find different things funny, and as comedians use that to our advantage. In All Seriousness always picks equally on men and women. But these girls were offended by the material directed at women, believing the show would be great if we only picked on men. We tried to explain the idea of being well-rounded and insulting everybody on an equal basis, but what really insulted me the most though, was that the pieces they were referring to as male chauvinistic ("Why do you let those guys get away with doing that stuff?") were pieces I had written or helped write."


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